We’re sure that we are not the only one who finds relationships to be quite difficult. Isn’t it nice if they teach stuff about building and maintaining a relationship aside from the usual lessons like the states of matter, arithmetic, and history? You know, stuff that will come in handy in the real world (add in financial literacy too to deal with student debt). The way that our relationships will take is dependent on our intentions and our personalities.
This is usually the case when you try to take control of the situation and say, “I don’t need to worry because I know what I’m doing.” However, it is just our insecurities, doubts, and fears that are truly in the driver seat and we are like marionette puppets following a puppet master. All the things that cause doubt, uncertainties and discomfort hang out on every corner that you encounter while walking on the road of “Relationship Ville”. Aside from that, you also have that gnawing urge to find a good seat on the near pub where you can safely ignore all of them and start flirting with the server until closing time.
It really is nice to have a guide who will shine a light on how your insecurities, doubts, and fears drive even the wisest men to make occasional mistakes. So, we made this list to help you and these are five of the best things that you can do to be extra confident in your relationships.
1. Don’t Try to Fix Everything
Fixing things doesn’t make you a man, nor does it make you a good boyfriend or spouse. Rather, it makes you the repairman, somebody who carries out a responsibility or one who has an established job. I prefer not to break it to you, yet that must not be the motivation behind why you build relationships.
It’s not your business to always seek to fix everything or put things in order. But this can be more about attempting to compensate for your self-doubt especially during hard times and uncertainty than any well-meaning goals. At the point when your lover’s having a rough time at work, for instance, you’ll really be compelled that you need to help since you would rather not see them worried. Of course, you should show empathy towards her. But at the same time, there’s the inclination to fix it since that is the thing that you think you should do to get things back to how they were.
You can’t control when the sun rises in the east or how many toes and fingers your partner has. This is very similar to almost anything that happens in your relationship which will certainly be out of your control. The wellbeing and control offered by being the repairman is only a deception. As we have said earlier, although there are some things that you can plan to prevent having problems in the future, there will always be things that you either overlooked or just happens. Certainty isn’t about control or assurance, but it’s tied in with going with the flow and getting settled with the new normal.
2. You’re Not the Provider
That old male generalisation of being the provider still causes a great deal of debate, especially between the older and younger generations. However, things have changed since the days when the woman remained at home, cleaned, and made dinner while the man of the house went out and brought home the bacon, yet those days aren’t exactly dead – at least not yet.
A great deal of men is raised with this traditional viewpoint which made them have the desire that they must play the job of provider or they’re not a good man if they don’t. A desire that is truly superficial and has no obvious benefit compared to the modern setup where both men and women are working to have a higher income.
There’s nothing amiss with wanting the best for your girl, your home, your relationship together in the long run and doing everything you can to get to a comfortable life. However, you don’t need to explore the mountains, slaughter a bear, and bring it home for your Stone Age wife to barbecue over the open flame. Both of you are in this together! Confidence is tied in with settling on decisions that make sense as opposed to pretending to play a role, following traditional but nonsensical presumptions or pleasing people around you.
3. You Don’t Need to Be Strong All the Time
An expert researcher on shame and vulnerability shares the account of one person who came up to her after a book signing event and disclosed to her how “advantageous” it was that she hadn’t done any exploration of male weakness. When she asked him what he implied, he stated, “Those books you just put your signature on for my significant other and my three girls? They’d preferably see me get the life sucked out off me on my white horse than letting me show my weakness. When we connect and be defenceless, we get the crap beat out of us. What’s more, don’t say to me that it’s from other guys, the coaches, and the fathers, because the ladies throughout my life are tougher on me than anyone else in my life.”
The notion that every man should be strong even in the worst situations may be the most wicked and negative social pressure that is confronting men even in this modern age. We get it because we also make the extra effort to manage things ourselves instead of asking for help or guidance. As men, we run ourselves to the point that we are worn out because of attempting to “be stronger” as opposed to acknowledging that we need a hand in most situations. In addition, there are also times when we would rather give up than letting people know that we can’t do it.
Strength can be a praiseworthy quality, it truly is. Yet, there are times when it’s the thing that men resort to instead of enabling themselves to expose their weaknesses. As it is in vulnerability that trust, learning, and growth happen. You should try it now because we’re sure that you will like it.
4. Know the Difference Between What’s Right and What Makes You Happy
Just admit it, there are times you’ve been in an argument or a “solid discussion” and stood firm instead of yielding to another perspective, haven’t you? A little chitchat and poking fun can be solid and entertaining, yet there’s a line which when crossed, makes you more of a Trump-sized butthead. Which is very far from a well-known champ when it comes to debating. That tipping point is the spot where you’d stick unyieldingly to a point of view for no other explanation than the fact that it’s yours, as opposed to moving your position when you realise it’s wrong.
Self-confidence has nothing to do with convincing people to follow you or showing them that you are right no matter what it costs. Instead, it is by recognising the things that are important to you and realising you can let other things go without being lesser of a man. Weigh in on the cost of always getting it right or the expense of refuting the opinion of another person. By doing so, you’ll see why many relationships are slowly failing because of one or more parties are unwilling to compromise for a pointless reason.
5. Stop Compartmentalising Everything in Your Life
Compartmentalising is valuable in case you’re setting up a toolbox or a zoo, yet isolating work, home, finances, companions, family, and everything else into perfectly organised boxes is not an incredible way for living life without sacrificing anything.
As something of an obsessive micromanager, I know there’s a sense of having some resemblance of order in your life. It’s okay to not carry work issues home with you, to not carry relationship issues to work with you, to realise the distinction between close friends and colleagues or to live inside your budget. However, the feeling of control it offers can lead to making borders that will be separating, stifling or even subduing parts of your life and yourself to your partner or other people.
Life is a wide range of stuff all squashed up together—it joins, spills, and leaks. Instead, life doesn’t resemble monotony, but it has a wide range of stuff all packed in altogether. A life lived with confidence is one that is integrated, even with imperfections and everything, instead of isolated. We all know that these things can make a relationship stronger and longer than the ones which are boring and lacks growth.
Will I Ruin My Relationship If I Have Insecurities?
Feeling doubts in your relationship can prompt poor conduct and misery for the two parties. Uncertainties in a relationship can be damaging and a quick method to hinder true happiness. They can make the two people commit probably the greatest relationship errors out there.